1991, Los Angeles Times

LOS ANGELES _ For too many, living with the AIDS virus has meant livingalone.

Now, a Los Angeles organization has started a dating service for people withAIDS, or with the virus that causes it.The response to the new service has been phenomenal, it organizers say,tapping an unmet need for companionship among those suffering through theuncertainty, pain and despair that comes with the virus.It has been a week since the group sent out its first mailer to itsconfidential newsletter's 9,000 subscribers.Since then, as news of the dating service has spread, hundreds of peoplefrom coast to coast have written to Being Alive, the non-profit organizationoperating the dating service, and calls have flooded the office's phone lines.What started out as a local dating service modeled after a similar one inSan Diego will be expanded to accommodate clients nationwide, said Warren Swil,a Being Alive volunteer responsible for entering the names of clients into acomputer.

``We have to do some planning to try to deal with what is going on,'' saidSwil. ``It is wonderful. I didn't expect it to be this big so fast.''

The free service, called Connect, allows clients to look for friends,companions and even lovers, without fear of rejection, which often comes whenHIV-infected people tell potential dates that they have the virus.By the time the second newsletter goes out in mid-January, the number ofpeople who have sent along short biographies to the dating service will havequadrupled, Swill predicted.

The biographies will contain clients' vital statistics, sexual preferencesand interests.Ferd Eggan, Being Alive's executive director, said that the service hasstruck such a responsive chord because people with the HIV virus yearn forcompany, love and companionship more than most people.

``People with AIDS are living longer and reporting to us that they don'tneed as much support in issues of grief and dying,'' said Eggan, who testedpositive for the virus in 1986 but remains healthy.

``This will help people deal with their lives, to feel the hope andconfidence they need to go on living and to lead joyful lives, as every personis entitled to,'' Eggan said.

``Even if their physical capacity to experience love and companionship may,in time, be impaired or diminished,'' Eggan said, ``the psychic need is just asstrong.''

Tony Morton, 31, one of the first to sign up for the service, wrote in hisbiography that he gives good foot rubs, likes going out to eat and to thetheater, and is fond of country-Western dancing.

Morton said that he has seen a few men on the dating service's list who lookpromising, and his biography has prompted a few responses. ``Maybe I'll callthem on the phone,'' he said, ``and meet them for a cup of coffee.''

Several clients said the service has been successful because there is acommon bond that comes from suffering, loss and diminished expectations. Manyhave lived years with the virus with no symptoms, but they all know theyeventually will succumb to it.

``It's a very lonely existence,'' said Lauren, a successful film industryexecutive, who said her social life all but disappeared after she testedpositive for the HIV virus several years ago. Like others, she asked that herlast name not be used.

``We are robbed of the opportunities of doing what we had hoped and dreamedof doing _ having kids, a family,'' she said. ``When people find out you areHIV-positive, they don't want to have a relationship with you. You could die onthem, or possibly infect them.''

Being Alive is using the dating service to reinforce the need for safe sex,since those already infected with the virus, may develop AIDS more quicklythrough repeated exposure, Eggan said.